Hurry Up and Slow Down

February 28th, 2010 by Diana
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My 4-year-old lives outside the world of Time.  She’s the incarnation of the early philosophers who knew Time A and C on porch- sunwas an illusion, a human construct.  Born into the present moment, Ava wants to keep living in the N0w–  if only her mother would let her.

She wakes up and launches herself into a project– a homemade book about mermaids, say, or a paper castle built of tape.  Engrossed in the creative act, she protests my demands that she get dressed and ready.

It’s 8 am and the battle-lines are drawn.

I live at the mercy of Time.  One eye on the clock, I rush around the kitchen in my nightgown, packing lunches and scrambling eggs, gathering stray mittens and socks.  I’m always anticipating the future, trying not to be late.  Using a crude combination of bribery and threat, I wrangle both girls into snowsuits and boots.  Every day, it’s an act of sheer will.

“Who wants a gold star for Morning Cooperation?” I ask sweetly.

If that doesn’t work, my voice deepens to a growl–”Mommy’s patience is very small right now.  It’s only the size of a pea.  Let’s get ready RIGHT NOW before it disappears!”

Usually the toddler starts wailing, but at least we get out the door.

C in mommy's hat and shoesI herd both children into the car, buckle them into their seats, and blast the Mary Poppins soundtrack.  Then I run back inside to throw on some pants and brush my teeth.   Those three minutes to myself are sacred, but they come at a cost.

Our morning has not been harmonious.  I haven’t respected my daughter’s internal rhythms, honored her desire for art and play. [Read more →]

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CAUGHT! Mommy and Daddy Go Out

February 24th, 2010 by Diana
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Here’s the evidence of an actual DATE NIGHT two weeks ago.  Life was good–  thanks to an invite to a swank opening party at Fireworks Restaurant.

Jazz, sexy cocktails, garlicky treats, and good friends made for a fun evening.  In Vermont midwinter, everyone’s thrilled to get out of the house.  But no one was as happy to see each other as me and my man. Voila!

Child-free and lovin' it

Child-free and lovin' it

On the velvet banquette

On the velvet banquette

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Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

February 22nd, 2010 by Diana
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preschool classroom magic

preschool classroom magic

Here it goes.  A week and a half with no school. All the moms are out and about with their kids, sledding at the park, walking around town.

Luckily for me, today was blazing sunshine and 40 degrees.  Warm enough for no mittens.  Warm enough to take off jackets.  Warm enough to promise Spring in the snowmelt, the returning songbirds.

I took the girls sledding at the park and then we played with friends on the jungle-gym and swings.

A and her preschool buddies played “BAD GUY EMERGENCY”– an exuberant, inexplicable game of running, chasing, shouting, and waving sticks.

The big kids generously included C, who couldn’t quite keep up, running behind bundled in her snowsuit on short, toddler legs.  Because it was sunny and gorgeous and everyone had a touch of Spring Fever, we stayed on and played more favorite games:

1. Hide and Seek

2. What Time Is It, Mrs. Midnight

3. Paw-Paw Patch

4. Sail the Boat to the Caribbean (Mommy invented this game, although she didn’t actually WANT to go down there.  For once, she was content to be exactly where she was, in Vermont, in the sun-filled moment).

No more cubbies till March 3rd

No more cubbies till March 3rd

Back home, A and C frolicked like spring lambs out on the porch while I made phone calls.  C runs daily porch laps in her sock feet, shouting, “Mommy, it’s almost spring!”  She loves to run unencumbered by snow-boots.

I’m smart enough to know we have another month and a half of Vermont winter ahead of us.  Another big storm or two.  More battles over snowsuits and mittens and getting outdoors in bitter cold winds.

But I’ll take this thaw when I can get it.

As my mom wisely says:  ”Preview of coming attractions.”

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Spilt Milk on the Radio

February 16th, 2010 by Diana
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Here’s the link to my VPR commentary, “Married With Children,” which ran last week.  Click on “Listen.”

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Pink Flowers for Mommy

February 16th, 2010 by Diana
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bittersweet chocolate cake

V-day is also B-day at our house

My daughter is obsessed with holidays.

She still plays “Christmas Eve” with her sister, wrapping up dolls and toys in scarves and placing them under a “tree” made of chairs.

Just when I’m grooving in my New Year’s rhythm, the stress of December firmly regulated to the past, I hear a delighted scream:  “Look, Santa’s sliding down the chimney!”

Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about Christmas again for another ten months.  But after a short breather, Valentine’s Day is suddenly upon us.  Ava decides she wants to make Valentines for a few special friends at preschool.

“Well, honey, you’ll need to make them for ALL the kids in your class– so no one feels left out,” I tell her.

I think this is an official school rule, as indeed it should be.  I remember childhood Valentine’s Days consumed with hope and disappointment.  We’d cover cardboard with red paper and glitter, creating personal letter-boxes for our anticipated torrent of mail.  By second grade, I understood that quantity of Valentines was a measure of popularity. [Read more →]

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Radio Free Vermont!

February 11th, 2010 by Diana
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Hurray– I’m going to be on the radio again!

Tune into VPR tonight at 5:55 pm to hear my latest commentary, “Married, With Children.”  You can also listen online at www.vpr.net.

If you miss the broadcast, I’ll post it on my blog later.

joy ride in the box-car

joy ride in the box-car

Yesterday I zoomed up the highway to Norwich, VT. The VPR studio is in the basement of the King Arthur Flour Bakery Store and Headquarters.  Here, you can sample warm, delicious treats like buttery herb biscuits and cinnamon raisin bread.

You can buy fresh-baked cookies, homemade sandwiches, and hot coffee or chai, and browse the amazing selection of baking supplies– from pizza stones to colorful casseroles to gourmet cake mixes and more.

I came home with Vanilla Sugar Cookie mix to make with my two little naked Sugar Kitties.  Also a decadent chocolate cake mix for an important upcoming Aquarius birthday.  This sweetened the fact that Mommy was gone all day and didn’t come home till after Wed. night yoga class (guilt-ridden, but renewed and elated!)

Maybe the super-moms bake all their cakes from scratch, but King Arthur mixes are the next best thing.

Meanwhile, A and C have been grooving in their cardboard car, making Valentines and playing Fairies.  C is Tinker Bell and A is Silvermist.  Disney’s Cinderella is also a new obsession.

Part of me is disturbed by the outdated gender messages in the Princess Culture.  Part of me thinks it is harmless and fun.  I don’t need another parenting issue to worry about right now.  C is making it through Potty Training and sometimes sleeping in her crib all night (she gets a sparkly pink star when she does.  The stars add up to… possibly a new video to rent?).

As usual, I’m figuring it all out as I go along.

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Bad Luck Streak

February 2nd, 2010 by Diana
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This isn’t superstition… I’ve become a bad luck magnet.  Blame it on my Moontime, blame it on my bad mood, but negativity attracts negativity.

Munch, Death in the Sickroom, visipix.com

Munch, Death in the Sickroom, visipix.com

It’s the opposite of Oprah’s favorite book, The Secret, which (I think, since I’ve never read it) reveals that positive energy attracts positive.  This is “the most powerful law in the universe.”

But how can one keep a cheerful mood in the face of:

1. PMT (premenstrual TENSION, as the British call it– much more accurate than PMS)

2. Pink Eye (goopy, itchy infections in BOTH eyes, making the windows to my soul swollen and red and altogether hideous).  Can’t wear mascara.  Embarrassed to go out in public.

NO Carmen's in here!

NO Carmen's in here!

3. Two sisters in a FIGHTING PHASE.  I don’t know why, but A and C have been at each other’s throats since I came home from New York.  Screaming, crying, shrieking, hitting, shoving, pulling hair, grabbing toys, destroying artwork… Last week there was not a moment of peace.

4. Discovering that my laptop SCREEN is cracked.  Yes, somehow my new-to-me PowerBook G4, a hand-me-down from my web-designer brother, has a big crack in the screen.  Did C get her hands on it (most likely scenario)?  Did it get banged around between home and the library?  Either way, there is no reversing the damage and I am BUMMING.

5. No more WRITING GROUP– my beautiful Tuesday night creative salvation is over, as T. is now working that shift.  How I miss Suzanne and the others!

6. Getting stopped by the COPS driving home from the library.  Couldn’t find my registration.  Turns out my inspection is overdue.

7. Friday YOGA class attendance dropping off.  Why?  Is it too hard? Too easy?  Too much Ashtanga?  A bad time for most people?  Not enough music?  Has everyone found other yoga classes they prefer?  Should I give up teaching and devote myself to my writing?

8.  Speaking of which, I have to write 14 BLURBS on Cosmetology over the next few days for my online writing job.  Or rather, Charlotte Day (my web-content alter-ego/ PEN NAME) has to write them.  It’s vaguely like being in college, the constant weight of papers hanging over my head.  Except I am now (luckily enough) getting paid for them.

On that note, I’ll stop complaining.  I am blessed to be working, to have my health (mostly), and my beloved family.  I said this blog was NO CRYING, JUST WRITING and I will stick to it.

Maybe I need to go to bed and read more Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.  But not before I take out the garbage and recycling and wish and pray for this snowball of bad luck to melt.

dreaming of Dominica

dreaming of dominica

right now i am unenlightened and would give anything for:

1. a nanny

2. a guru

3. a personal chef/housekeeper

4. a massage

5. inspiration

6. the Caribbean

7. inner peace

8. Springtime

9. a talk with my Dad

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New York, New York

January 30th, 2010 by Diana
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Brooklyn 1

Brooklyn Bridge sunshine

It feels like another lifetime.

Last weekend I was in New York, walking around downtown with my yoga mat.  I hung out in a cool coffeeshop in Tribeca called Pain Au Quotidien, drinking a bowl of Cafe Au Lait and reading the New York Times.

I bartered for a knock-off hobo bag on Canal St and bought some gummy sharks and butterflies for A and C at a candy shop in Chinatown that also sold 50 flavors of dried fish:  Tuna Cube, Thai Scallop, Shredded Cod Stick…

I sat alone and savored a steaming bowl of Pho– rice noodles, broth, shrimp, fresh basil and bean sprouts and lime.

I walked back and forth across the Brooklyn bridge twice, the whole city laid out before me like a mirage.  What freedom– to walk everywhere, and never need a car!  The best part was staying in DUMBO (Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass: a newly hip neighborhood in Brooklyn that my friend Robin calls “the jewel of New York”).

Her apartment is serene, a writer’s paradise– spare and modern with an orange couch, a bamboo tree, and huge windows with views of the two bridges.  I felt like I was in a boutique hotel, but with a friend, since Robin welcomed me and made me tea and cooked me eggs and walked me to Kula Yoga Project for my workshop.

brooklyn2The yoga left a great deal to be desired, unfortunately.  Nearly 40 advanced yogis sweated it out shoulder to shoulder in a dark studio.  The teacher drew the curtains and I felt like I was practicing in a windowless, airless dungeon.  My urban claustrophobia consumed me, and I never felt the spacious calm that happens during a blissful yoga class.

Doug Swenson may be an Ashtanga Master, but the ability to perform crazy-advanced poses doesn’t mean you have the gift of teaching them.  I found the workshop atmosphere competitive rather than compassionate.

But I have no regrets.  I spontaneously took a trip BY MYSELF– out of my comfort zone, away from my family.

It’s true– absence makes the heart go fonder.  I put into practice my favorite quote:  ”How can I miss you if you never go away?”  I missed the girls terribly on Friday night during the darkest hour of the urban yoga, and even thought about coming home early.

But once I passed the 24 hour mark, some internal shift occurred and I was my own woman again.  What should I do with myself?  I had no plans– I wandered the city.  I drank more than my usual share of caffeine and buzzed on the New York energy, which is a constant hum, a pulse running beneath everything.  I questioned my life and my geography, why we choose to live in Vermont.  Then I enjoyed a casual dinner party at Robin’s apartment with some artistic, intellectual New Yorkers.

I came home renewed and full of ideas, love and gratitude.  But re-entry was hard.  Much harder than I’d expected. The house was trashed.  Both girls hadn’t slept much and were sick with bad colds that turned out to be raging ear infections.  Monday morning found me at the doctor’s office, in a little cubicle with A and C.  Outside it was 35 and pouring cold rain.

“Back to life, back to reality…” goes that 1990s dance song.

Now, it’s five degrees here and I’m trying to figure out how to get A and C outside.  I dream of going back to the city for a Kula flow class, bringing the girls to the Bronx zoo, getting a date in Chinatown with T.

Maybe this spring?

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Married, With Children

January 26th, 2010 by Diana
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One afternoon my husband and I walked in the door and lay down on the living room rug in our coats.  The world dissolved, and we melted into each other, bodies recalling the old spark and stir.

D and t in 2x

Child-free, 2003

Then the children pounced on us–crying for attention, pulling us apart.  They couldn’t bear to see us kiss, focused only on each other.

What evolutionary instinct makes offspring disrupt their parents’ intimacy?  The way our girls carry on, you’d think snuggling threatened their very survival.  Maybe the behavior is a relic from Neanderthal days, when constant adult vigilance protected babies from predators.

But the irony is that “the parents’ relationship is the linchpin of the family.” So claim the authors of Babyproofing Your Marriage, three married moms who want you to “laugh more, argue less, and communicate better as your family grows.”

I’ve read this book many times, underlined and quoted it, carried it in my purse.  I believe that “nurturing the marital relationship is central to our children’s sense of security and happiness.”  But it’s a complicated task. [Read more →]

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Snow Art

January 21st, 2010 by Diana
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C in snow artSome things make you feel like a good mom.

Not a great mom.  I don’t have the patience or cooking skills for that.  But a good mom– one who gets her kids out playing happily in the snow.

I got this ingenious idea from A’s preschool teacher.  SNOW ART!  All you need are some old poster paint bottles filled with hot water, and a few sticks.  The activity lasted 10 minutes tops, but C loved squirting paint onto a mound of snow.

It’s the first time Mommy has ever given her free rein to make a big mess!

A, the self-described Artist, enjoyed painting with a stick.

way better than sledding

way better than sledding

Then we built a Snow Fort together and played in it for a few minutes before bare hands got too cold (C often refuses to wear mittens).

When we came in, I didn’t manage to bake banana muffins, but did offer a healthy snack of cheese and crackers and raisins.

But maybe my good mom-ness was negated later– when I dragged my suddenly sick, coughing four-year-old to the Co-op, bribing her with a chocolate-chip cookie.  All because we were out of black tea, and I couldn’t stand to be home alone all evening when T. was working.

Those long, dark winter evenings alone.  Cabin fever. Claustrophobia. More Max & Ruby and Bunny Noodles.

Nothing like a bustling grocery store to lift my spirits and get me pumped up for bedtime!

I am an Artist

I am an Artist

SNOW FORT!

SNOW FORT!

A in snow fort

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