Unless you’ve been hiding in a snow cave for the past month, you’ve probably heard about the Tiger Mother. Forget “Bad Mother” or “Slacker Dad”, the new “momoir” by Yale law professor Amy Chua declares that a hyper-strict, Asian-American parenting style (no playdates or sleepovers, relentless piano practice, and mandatory straight-As) is the best recipe for [...]
Entries Tagged as 'Spilt Milk Column'
It’s a Girl Thing
February 3rd, 2011 2 Comments
“Nobody likes me, ” says A. She’s sitting in a snow-pile outside her school, digging furiously in the snow with wet mittens, cheeks flushed as red as her snowsuit. “Oh honey, that’s silly!” I say. “OF COURSE people like you. I like you. Actually, I LOVE you.” But once you’re five, having Mommy as your [...]
Tags: friendships · girl social dynamics · Girls · kindergarten · Queen Bees and Wannabees
Another Planet
January 21st, 2011 4 Comments
January brings a sweet relief, a welcome return to school, work, and Bunny Noodles– the blessed routines that keep parents sane despite their mind-numbing monotony. I’m back in Vermont after a fleeting visit to the Twenty-Something universe of my younger siblings. While I love them all dearly, I can’t help dreaming of the day when [...]
Tags: child-free envy · childless · children · nostalgia · Parenting · twenty-something
The Season of Unmet Expectations
December 27th, 2010 1 Comment
The pressure starts building in early December. No matter how firm my resolve to keep the holidays low-key, stay relaxed and enjoy the sugar-high, I quickly find myself wound like a top, wishing I could trade all the trappings of Christmas–the tree, the lights, the parties, the cookies–in for a ticket to Barbados. I imagine [...]
Tags: Christmas · expectations · holiday · Parenting
Facing the Facts of Life (2)
December 1st, 2010 3 Comments
After revealing the secrets of procreation to my kids, I think back to my own childhood illumination. I can’t exactly remember how I learned about sex. My mom gave me a book called Where Did I Come From?: The Facts of Life Without Any Nonsense and With Illustrations, but at that point I already knew [...]
Tags: facts of life · preschooler · Sexuality · Where Did I Come From?
Facing the Facts of Life (1)
November 18th, 2010 3 Comments
The big parenting moments sneak up on you when you least expect it, when you’re zoning out behind the wheel, say, driving the kids home at the end of a long day, wondering what the hell you’re going to serve for dinner. We were coming back from gymnastics when the girls got on the Egg [...]
Tags: Natalie Angier · ovary · preschooler · Sexuality
The Therapy Jar
October 13th, 2010 1 Comment
After a particularly grueling afternoon of 3-year-old tantrums and sibling battles, a glass of chocolate milk is spilled–seemingly on purpose– all over the floor, and I find myself at the mercy of maternal rage. “G-d—it!” I yell, releasing pent-up fury. “WHY do I have to clean up your mess all the time!?” Poor Carmen’s eyes [...]
Tags: mothering guilt · My Hollywood · Parenting · Philip Larkin · psychotherapy · therapy
School, Glorious School
October 1st, 2010 1 Comment
When my girls were younger, I used to fantasize about the day I’d drop them both off at school. Deep in the Baby Cave, caught in the throes of colic, this vision seemed like something out of a science fiction novel– a strange yet beautiful new planet. “Be careful,” warned my therapist. “Some parents end [...]
Tags: homeschooling · kindergarten · motherhood · Neighborhood Schoolhouse · preschool · school
Dad Life
September 16th, 2010 1 Comment
I’ve been thinking a lot about Dads lately. Ever since I read Camille Paglia’s recent Op-Ed in the New York Times, the state of modern fatherhood has been troubling me: “Family life has put middle-class men in a bind; they are simply cogs in a domestic machine commanded by women. Contemporary moms have become virtuoso [...]
Tags: Camille Paglia · Dad Life · fatherhood · gender roles · male identity · Terry Real
When Things Fall Apart
September 1st, 2010 No Comments
Late summer blows in like a sudden storm. The cold front sends me rushing to close the windows, their casings swollen open for three months straight. I remember the heat wave now like a lost lover, blurred with nostalgia and regret. Why didn’t I savor it while it was here? Why did I wish it [...]
Tags: depression · motherhood · mothering guilt · Pema Chodron · when things fall apart